Lineon [Original Fiction] [Sim, em inglês]

Ver o tópico anterior Ver o tópico seguinte Ir em baixo

Lineon [Original Fiction] [Sim, em inglês]

Mensagem por  em Dom Jun 14, 2009 5:53 am

Ai Lineon ai Lineon, a história que nunca consegui abandonar!
Acho que o primeiro draft disto foi escrito há por ai 3 anos. Isto está agora em 20 "capitulos" e 31 paginas...
Tsss...
Tenho já um beta-reader nisto, mas qualquer critica que tenham a dizer, por favor digam ^^
(Ah, sim, certas passagens podem ser um pouco menos... felizes. Acho que não chega a gore, mas uma versão mais soft disso se calhar...)

Lesson number 1 – Stay clear of trouble

The sky was like a cloak of darkness, full of ferocious rain clouds shattering in shades of grey. Wherever the sun could bore a hole, it released a mystical fusion of golden colours, reflecting in the poles of water arranged across the mudded path. All seemed peaceful, the harmony of nature at its saddest, until a scream broke the balance. In a village not far away, a little boy kneeled down next to a dieing body, screaming and crying over the loss of a dear one. Sunrays fragmented on a pile of human tissue, and peace was to be no more...

*

"Hello? Anybody here?"
Lineon was a reasonably small 18 year old boy, and impatient. He was leaning on the wooden counter, and looked around with a bored expression carved deep into his face. His simple brown eyes were racing around in his skull as he was scanning the store, and his normally smiling mouth was now deformed by hanging corners and his face-supporting hand.
"Yellooo?!"
No answer. Lineon let his head drop on the counter. The impact echoed threw the shop before silence dropped upon it once more.
"Who is trying to break down this respectful house?!" An old man, raging his walking-stick through the air, appeared through a door behind the counter and looked angrily at the aggressor of his property. His eyes met Lineon’s and there was a moment of silence.
"What do you want?" Snapped the old man with a glare.
"I came to pick up my water bag. As in, I came to give you money."
The old man's face lightened up and he lowered his stick. "Ah, yes, nice to see you again dear sir! How was your day? I'll go get the item in question right away!!"
Lineon looked annoyingly at the joyful old gentleman, and banged his head against the counter once more.
Sweet lord...
Ten minutes later, the boy left the store with an empty water bag, happy to know it would take a while before it would fall apart in his bag again, rotting and dissolving all other contents that might just be vital to survival. Lineon sighed. Sometimes, he really hated travelling. He had done so ever since two years ago, when he had woken up from a 4 year-long sleep. He remembered how it had been when he woke up like the day of yesterday- a large feast, everyone hugging him, telling him how they missed him and how it was a true miracle. He had returned to them! Best of all he remembered his mother, who had done nothing but crying for the first days. Crying and hugging her little boy, as if she would never let him go ever again.
But she had. And now he wondered the lands, searching.
Shrugging off the weight of history, he went to the bakery to get a large supply of dried bread for his next trip, which would lead him over the mountains.
As Lineon crossed the small town's market square, he was attracted to a huge commotion near the well. By pushing and pulling a bit, he easily made his way to the centre of tumult. Seeing what encouraged all this excitement, he sighed. The human being is hopeless.
Two civilians had started fighting. One was tall and strong, the other was fat and dumb. Both were dumb as the matter of fact. They had wisely decided to engage in a fist fight because of... a fish. Both had at the same time attempted to buy a large tuna. "Not any tuna!" said the girl standing at Lineon's side. "A real big, cheap, beautiful tuna! It was the best the salesman had! Now they're fighting to see who's taking the fish home!! Isn't it exciting?!"
Lineon, with his always crystal mind, analysed the situation and released a laugh. He smiled at the young girl next to him, and agreed in irony. "Yeah, very exciting."
After a minute, the fight took a drastic turn to heavy violence though. The tall man grabbed a piece of wood and whacked it in the direction of the fat guy. This one attempted to dodge, but received the blow right in the middle of the head, and people started to panic. The fat man fell on the cold stone and people were screaming and pointing at the blood streaming out of his head. But the tall man took no notice. He kept on hitting his opponent with his weapon. Lineon felt anger and the urge to interfere building up. He took a step aside and focused.
A moment later all presents noticed the sudden disappearance of the weapon, and after a deep breath, total chaos kicked in.

Lesson number 2 – Accept the world as it comes to you

Lineon put on his most innocent smile, and looked with big watery eyes at the police officer.
"I didn't do it, sir, please, it is not my fault!"
"Listen son, this is the second time I've caught you in this kind of crime scene. I will have to take you, and hold you for further questioning..."
Lineon let his head fall, and sensed how the cop's sympathy was growing. The poor guy stood no chance, his good heart and Lineon's cute face where no match against justice.
The police sighed, and the small hairs on his moustache trembled as the warm air slipped in between them.
"Alright then, but just this time!" Lineon looked up happily and gratefully received the other's friendly smile. "Go now, off you go, and don't ever let me catch you again!"
"Aye aye sir!!" and off he ran, disappearing in the agitated confusion of the town's market.
The cop sighed again, making his greying facial hair dance once more. It’s not like he could have done it anyway…. He tried to calm down his own spirit before turning and trying to get the recovering crowd moving. "C'mon, nothing to see here, move along, move along!"
Lineon watched from behind a fish car how everything started flowing again, and felt relieved when he saw the police officer disappearing out of sight.
"Hey, you gonna buy somethin' or wha'?" The fish lady questioned with a not-so-pleased expression.
"Rather not, thank you, it stinks..."
"Wha'? How dare ya, brat!!" She had a swing at him with a large trout, and he dodge by only half a fin. Tripping over his own feet he went for an ally, hoping to escape the wrath of the evil fish hag. Just as he turned the corner, a mackerel made its way over and hit him on the back of his head.
"And don't ya eva come back here ya hear mey!!!"
I wasn't planning on it... Lineon rubbed the back of his head. He had never realised how hard fish actually was. He picked the mackerel up from the dirty ground, and removed some of the mud. It really does stink...

But at least it tastes good. Happily Lineon took another bite from his warm fish, glad for the decent meal it has provided. Maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh... auw well. He shrugged off his guilt and took another bite, careful not to choke on the spines.
Night had fallen, and Lineon had made good use of his day, as the town's lights where just vaguely seen at the horizon. Around him life in the wild woke up, as prey and predator started their nightly death match. Trees cracked, branches hit each other violently motivated by a hard wind, and leafs flattered against each other, all in all creating a nice atmosphere of creepiness. Not really so afraid of the dark, Lineon was used to sleeping outside, though he preferred a warm bed, as anyone would. Life could have been better towards the young man, but it could have been worse, was what he always told himself. It was the thought that there were those in worse conditions that kept him going, always wondering, searching, hunting for the one responsible for the downside of his life...
Lineon had never known his father, for his death came just days after his birth. His dad, Giden, had been sick for a long while, a disease unknown to human healings. Lineon was saddened that he never got to meet his father, for all tales told him he was a great person... His mother had done her best to give her sons all they wanted, as an attempt to make up for the loss of a father, as if it were to be her fault. Dear, dear mother... Lineon shoke his head violently as his thoughts drifted off to his mom. Oh, how he loved and missed her. Yet he had sworn he would not return to her until he found what he was searching for...
An owl hooted at his right, catching Lineon by surprise. He emerged from the land of the dreaming and spread a smile over his face. He pulled up his legs and folded his arms around them, hugging himself in an attempt to comfort uneasy thoughts. The fish was all gone, and a row of spines was turning to ashes in the fire. The night was alive, but felt silenced. Lineon spilled some sand over the fire to lower its flames, and let his back fall against the ground. Grass tickled his arms as they folded behind his head. The fire’s shadows seemed to smile as the boy looked at the dark sky.
Few stars broke the deep blue, as clouds were intercepting many lights. Lineon stared fascinated at the last bit of moon, just a splinter in a sea of nothing. He smiled at the emptiness above him and closed his eyes. Good night...

Thick warm blood spread in all orientations. It had turned into a pile, no more than a mass of human flesh. No knee was differentiable from an elbow, neither could the heart be distinguishing from the brain. It lay all together, an agglomeration of what was once human. Blood streamed towards a young boy, it reached his knees, involved his hands, slipped down the chin smeared by dripping fingers. The boy's eyes had lost all colour, all soul and all rationality. A heart piercing scream fled the child's mouth, as tears started flowing, taking only smudged blood with it. And as everyone seemed to panic over the crisis that had taken place, a lump of muscles seemed to lose speed. A beat, followed by another, and another... once again... just one... and no more.

Lineon opened his eyes. He lay still for a moment, staring at the white morning sky. He took a deep breath and sat up. He had waken up after the same dream everyday in the last 2 years. He was no longer shocked by it, nor did it seem to kill or lighten his spirit. It was as good of a ritual as breakfast. Life has been worse to others, he thought... He checked if the fire was out, and if all his belongings were still in his bag. As everything checked out positive, he took a dry cookie out of his pack and put it between his teeth. Whilst whistling a happy melody, he hit the road, making way towards his next stop, the village of Abrenau.


Data de inscrição : 31/12/1969

Ver perfil do usuário

Voltar ao Topo Ir em baixo

Re: Lineon [Original Fiction] [Sim, em inglês]

Mensagem por Baka-neechan em Dom Jun 14, 2009 3:21 pm

ainda só li o primeiro capitulo, mas estou a gostar até agora.....

Chiruza podias desenhar o Lineon... Very Happy

Baka-neechan

Mensagens : 47
Data de inscrição : 05/06/2009
Idade : 24
Localização : Coimbra

Ver perfil do usuário http://baka-neechan.deviantart.com/

Voltar ao Topo Ir em baixo

Re: Lineon [Original Fiction] [Sim, em inglês]

Mensagem por  em Dom Jun 14, 2009 4:06 pm

Adorei!!!
O.o escreves bem XD
e está em inglês!!! Paraíso!!! Very Happy nada contra o português mas já tou tão habituada a ler histórias em inglês que me dá mais jeito desta maneira X3


Data de inscrição : 31/12/1969

Ver perfil do usuário

Voltar ao Topo Ir em baixo

Re: Lineon [Original Fiction] [Sim, em inglês]

Mensagem por Baka-neechan em Ter Jul 07, 2009 1:19 pm

Ok eu ja li todo a algum tempo atras...mas tenho andado com perguida....mas é para dizer que quero a continuaçao...OK senpai

Baka-neechan

Mensagens : 47
Data de inscrição : 05/06/2009
Idade : 24
Localização : Coimbra

Ver perfil do usuário http://baka-neechan.deviantart.com/

Voltar ao Topo Ir em baixo

Re: Lineon [Original Fiction] [Sim, em inglês]

Mensagem por Chiruza-Sama em Seg Jul 20, 2009 10:08 am

Meh, so pa voz fazer feliz e pa fazer referencia ao facto k isto e meu meu MEU! -__- Estupida conta...
Anyway, enjoy. Ou não. Como queiram ^^
Ah, e gomen se tiver erros, tou a corrigir isto como deve ser ajuda de uma pessoa k sabe mais k eu, e cada vez fico com menos paciencia de rever coisas e tirar erros (ou, nesta caso, adicionar italics para saberem onde tao os pensamentos. yawn. whatever...)
(Desta vez ainda tou a por 2 de uma vez, mas se voltar a por provavelmente sera um de cada vez...)

Lesson number 3 – Trust a stranger only with what they want to hear

The sun was setting in an ocean of red as Lineon reached the first of few houses known as Abrenau. He was exhausted, he had climbed up all day, as this village lay at the feet of a small mountain chain. From now on, all travelling would be either done crawling uphill or slipping downwards. The foresight did not please the young man, as he sought for a place to pass the night. He had stayed a couple of nights in the small town of Jinel, trying to prepare himself for the torture that were the Gijoas. His whole being was revolting against the idea of attacking the mountains, and he fiercely wished to stay a day in this apparently peaceful village, but he knew he had already wasted too much time. If he kept on getting distracted, he would never find what he was looking for.
He reached the centre of the village, an old, though very functional well. Around it stood some young men, more or less his age, talking and resting after a hard day's work. They eyed Lineon from a distance and smiled at him, encouraging him to join the conversation.
"Hello stranger, what brings you here?" Said the oldest of four. He had a brown hardened skin and happy dark eyes, giving the impression of a hardworking trustful man, worthy of respect. Lineon felt at ease right away.
"I'm hoping to cross the mountains. Is there an inn anywhere near, where I could pass the night?"
"No inn in this little village, though you would expect it, since many travellers stop here before the real roughness starts." Lineon made his smile fade a bit, acting surprised by the absence of an accommodation, while in fact he knew that there was none to be found. "But if you really need a place to stay, Fernin and Hunin's parents have a big stable just on the edge of the city, I'm sure they and the horses wouldn't mind some company, as long as it is just for a night."
Lineon was a tad bit surprised. "Horses?"
A small boy, eying younger then he was, jumped from the well's border and did a step in front. His voice was hard and deep, almost like an adult. -"Yes, horses. My parents bread them. Though the business is small, we are known for giving quality above quantity!"
Another kid jumped of the well, he looked identical to the previous speaker, but his voice was much softer. "Don't start the whole promoting thing bro, he doesn't have the money to buy a horse anyways!"
The group laughed, and so Lineon got shelter at a horse stable for a night. He was provided with a hot bath and fine new clothes, leading Lineon to think that money was not an issue at this family's house.
At dinner, he was invited to share their table, and had the nicest meal he could remember. All the friendliness of the family made Lineon feel kind of warm inside. He had slept at people's homes before, but never had any family been this nice to a stranger. Even for the era, the most peaceful era in ages, this family was different. Lineon was glad he had met them.
While the food was being digested, the family and their guest stayed at the table, telling al kinds of tales. Lineon learned a lot about breading, what was good and bad for a horse's fertility and received a whole history lesson on horse breads. As the conversation started to die, the guest took the reins and asked to know if there were any signs of magic in the village.
"Magic? Lord no, those evil ways get no place near our peace and harmony! Why do you inquire?" Asked father Brand, suspicious all of the sudden. His wife put a calming hand on his arm.
"Oh, no special reason..." Lied the boy, not wanting to push the matter.
Yet the family wasn’t satisfied with the answer.
Lineon sighed. He had wanted to avoid awkward situations and lies. "I have my mind set on hunting down all Magic-Wielders that dare to live. I shall not rest before I eliminate all uncontrolled evil beings that walk on this Earth. They propose a threat that I can not ignore. Pleas trust me, you have not to fear me." His voice proved his authenticity, yet his mind felt guilt for omitting the details.
Brand seemed tempted to believe him, but Fernin let his deep voice echo threw the room before the father could make a decision. He slammed his wooden mug against the table, spilling some beer on his shirt and yelled happily: "To the end of magic-wielders!"
The rest was silenced for a moment, and then all cups hit each other in the air. "Cheers!!!"

The next morning, Lineon left the stables early, and thanked Brand and his wife for all they had given to him. "Some day, once I'm a famous Magic-Hunter, I'll repay you for your kindness."
Brand smiled satisfied. "We'll await your next visit."
At the well, Lineon found the same group he had encountered the evening before, this time relaxing before the hard work would start, before the sun showed its fiercest rays.
"Thanks for everything guys, I'll think of you once I'm up in the cold."
"It's not that bad this time of the year, you picked a good time to cross, dear friend." The tall man grinned ironically.
"I have some experience with snowed mountains, I have learned how to avoid them."
"That is good." The oldest smiled. "Can I give you some advice? Stay away from the Wyinan River. Bandits and magicians are rumoured to terrorise those lands..."
Lineon nodded at the helpful man, and winked at the twins. "Thanks for the warning. Bye!"
And so he left, fully equipped and ready to fight, the sun's beginning beams in his back.

Lesson number 4 – Don’t approach what you know to be dangerous


A dark-brown rat was sniffing a corpse, circling around the last remains of the deceased mammal which laying on the cold stone, just waiting to be eaten or decomposed.
Lineon waved his hand in front of his nose, trying to get rid of the awful stench of death. Ever since he had found and started following the river, similar odour had been present only vaguely in the air, but now it had turned obnoxious. As the path made a right, he saw a rat fleeing from his presence, and the origin of the smell. His hands flew to his mouth, as he tried to keep his lunch in his stomach. He turned away and kneeled down in the middle of the stone-sculpted path, leaning forward in an attempt to regain his cool and his breath. It took him a moment, before he trusted his legs enough to stand up once more. Feeling incredibly sick, he turned towards the rotting body, laying in the middle of the path. After swallowing his feelings, he stepped over the human carcass and continued his way, in a worse mood then he had been in months.
The Gijoas did not have to be big and ruff to be dangerous, it was most of all the inhabitants that gave the mountains their bad name. Thieves, illegal magicians, slave traders; in this peaceful world all had hid in the mountains, and those who didn't go voluntarily would be forced to do so. The agglomeration of this generally understood "evil" had been the last step, as the world reached perfection. Thieves started stealing from each other, people were sold and bought like they were mere objects, clans either joined forced or gathered in bloody battles, often leading to the destruction of both. The mountains were under the most brutal laws of survival. But the world was happy, for they did not know, and were not forced to face the truth. In all mountain chains there was this world of terror, but the outlaws conquered a territory, and sticked with it, leading even random travellers to be able to cross the mountains untouched, as long as they stayed far from the action. Lineon had always known that bad-doers wouldn't cease to exist, and had heard the rumours about chains such as the Gijoas. Now, he started to see with his own eyes. It was everything that had been rumoured, and even more.
I wish I could just hunt evil in the woods, a city, or even a swamp, but this... He sighed. Why did I want to go to the mountains, dammit... Stupid magicians, know no better place to hide do you... The young man was awoken harshly from his complains as footsteps approached. He jumped behind a rock, and cursed at the extreme lack of vegetation the mountains contained. Definitely, only a miracle could make Lineon like these mountains now.
A man walked down the path. He was carrying a large rusty axe and wore a simple helmet. He seemed annoyed and was kicking a stone while walking.
The first line of defence huh? Well, at least I'm not the only one "enjoying" these mountains. He smirked as the man passed by him without noticing a thing, and Lineon could clearly hear that the man was mumbling angry words along the lines of "...stupid rocks, stupid leader, stupid food. I don’t want no more beans, eat it yourself...stupid hide-out... stupid cold water...stupid waterfall..." and so on and so on. If Lineon had not been in such a bad mood, he would have hugged the guard, grateful for his stupidity. As the coast was clear, Lineon jumped back on track and hurried up the path, careful to not slip, for he did not fancy a fall of 15 meters followed by the freezing water of the Wyinan River.
As he progressed, he noticed that the smell of death seemed to wear off, even though he was forced to close his eyes twice, as he noticed some rats and birds flying off from somewhere close as he passed. By nightfall, he had concealed his presence from three more guards, and finally reached a waterfall. It's barely a waterfall... more like, a small falling of water. I mean, seriously, it doesn't even reach half a meter... Stupid conceited guard, infecting me with his ideas of greatness... Lineon was still convinced the mountains were conspiring to make his day hell, special as he found out that the path stopped some mere meters after the waterfall. In frustration, he had cursed so much and loud that even the gods were blown of theirs clouds, something he got to regret not much later, as a group of guards had spend the next two hours searching for any intruders. Yet again, Lineon was frustrated with everything about the mountains, but this time, he was wise enough to keep the profanity to himself.
Once it was clear that all guards had returned to their original posts, Lineon got out of his hideout, a small split between two gigantic granite boulders. He whipped of the dust and spiders that had settled on him and released a deep sigh. Depressed and discouraged, Lineon returned to the waterfall, and hid in a fissure from where he could just barely see the end of the path. The boy was tired and in a very bad mood, all he really wanted was a good night of sleep, warm food and a warm bed, or at least a fire to heat his freezing hands on, but it was not a given. The sun had long set, and he didn't even realise how lucky he was that he had found such a decent hideout in the dark. The moon was almost half-full, but gave little light, let alone warmth. The wind bit his skin and the stone ground was as comfortable as a needle bed.
It was out of pure exhaustion that Lineon managed to fall asleep, into the old well-known dream...

When Lineon woke up, his mood had not lightened. His body felt like shit and he could barely think rationally. The insight into human existence after dead, gained the previous day, had given an extra dimension to his standard dream, returning to it some of its previous angst. Not really interesting in if he would be caught or not, Lineon got up and stretched his painful limbs, seeking to still their complains. The sky was grey, and if Lineon's luck was as much as he thought, it would start raining just after noon. Just great... what more do I need? Footsteps were heard walking up the path. Oh yeah, THAT. Lineon thought in anger, and he hurried to hide behind a big dark boulder not to far from the path, just as a guard appeared in sight.
The guard came climbing up to the waterfall, and was soon confronted with the end of the way. Lineon wasn't surprised to see that the guard found the sudden ending of a path natural, but was surely taken by surprise by what the guard did next. He walked to the boarder of the path, and turned in Lineon's direction. Frightened by the possibility of discovery, the boy pulled a bit back, so that he could just barely see the guard with one eye. Yet the man had not been spotted. The sentinel kneeled down, and carefully lowered his legs down the mountain wall. To Lineon's big amazement, the thief was climbing down the straight stone wall, down towards the river, disappearing out of sight. Lineon had trouble controlling himself, withholding the desire to sprint to the path and see where the hell the guard was going.
There was silence, and Lineon was sick of curiosity. What is down there?!
Then it came. The sound of a million of small stones falling into the river, followed by the loud sounds of rock colliding with rock. Lineon was perplexed. What?
There was a long silence, interrupted just by a faint whisper that the boy couldn’t understand, and some more stones falling in the water. Lineon was anxious and surprised. Somehow exited even, exited with the idea of whatever wonder was taking place down by the Wyinan, and exciting to figure out exactly how to breach it.
The next hard sound caught Lineon unprepared, but not ignorant. It was a hard scratching sound like two boulders being rubbed against each other by a giant, in symphony with an army of small stones jumping happily in the freezing water... A small smile seemed to form on Lineon’s previously aggravated face. He recognised the sounds sequence. Someone was removing and replacing a big rock from a entrance, a tunnel's most probably. The question raised in Lineon's head was: How?
Over flown by curiosity the boy was anxious to figure it all out, but his stomach had different ideas, as it released a loud call for food. Lineon smiled vaguely. Alright then, first food, then exterminating evil.

Chiruza-Sama

Mensagens : 4
Data de inscrição : 20/07/2009

Ver perfil do usuário

Voltar ao Topo Ir em baixo

Re: Lineon [Original Fiction] [Sim, em inglês]

Mensagem por Conteúdo patrocinado Hoje à(s) 3:19 pm


Conteúdo patrocinado


Voltar ao Topo Ir em baixo

Ver o tópico anterior Ver o tópico seguinte Voltar ao Topo

- Tópicos similares

 
Permissão deste fórum:
Você não pode responder aos tópicos neste fórum